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8 Ways to Remain Emotionally Indestructible

  1. Expect nothing from no one (secure your own future).
    • A trusted friend will let you down from time to time. They have other things to worry about than you. Don’t think less of them, simply stop expecting them to always be there for you.
    • A well-intentioned company will let you go when the economy crashes. Don’t except a good thing to last forever. Always be learning skills and seeking opportunities.
  2. Expect everything to go away one day.
    • Realizing everything could vanish in an instant (your favorite people, your health, your freedom) makes you grateful for everything you have. It’s hard to be worried or anxious when you’re grateful.
  3. Do imperfect work, but strive to make it better.
    • Seeking perfection may seem noble, but it’s generating unnecessary anxiety in your life.
    • Instead, make early prototypes, write terrible first drafts, and start with a mediocre performance. Once you’ve done something, aim to improve upon it as many times as you can. Great work requires many iterations.
  4. Focus on skill development, not goal achievement
  5. Never follow a plan, but always be rehearsing plans.
    • “Plans are nothing; planning is everything.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
    • Developing and rehearsing a plan allows you to see the potential pitfalls of what you are about to do and makes the unknown less terrifying.
    • When it comes time to act, following a plan is a recipe for disaster because it doesn’t allow you to rapidly improvise when things change. As Mike Tyson once said, “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
  6. Prepare for the worst: financially and emotionally.
    • Each year, buy insurance and top up your savings to protect you and your family from ANY disaster that could occur in the upcoming year. Then stop thinking about it for 365 days.
    • Before doing anything ‘risky,’ consider your recovery plan. If you can’t recover then don’t do it. When you look hard enough you’ll find you can recover from most setbacks. For example, leaving your job on good terms and trying to start a business is OK when you know that you could always go back to your job.
  7. Make the decision with the most options and make big decisions through a series of smaller decisions (short trials).
    • Make the decision that allows you to change direction should circumstances change.
    • Break down your big decisions into a series of smaller decisions to test assumptions and gain valuable information before jumping in head first.
      • Trying to decide which city you want to move to? Rent a condo in the neighborhood where you plan to live for 2 weeks.  Act as though you are living there for 2 weeks. Is it what you expected?
      • Trying to decide whether you should quit your job or not? Take a 3-week stay-cation and work on your side business to see if takes off and if doing that work is really something you want to do full time.
  8. Own less and save your money for experiences.
    • When you own something you need to maintain it. When you own something you fear losing it.
    • When you save your money for experiences you get to enjoy planning, doing and talking about it after.
    • Maintaining the memory of a meaningful experience requires zero ongoing maintenance and there is no need to fear losing it.
    • Experiences can become more valuable over a lifetime because they often lead to new skills that serve you for a lifetime.
Inspired by Derek Sivers

Attitude of Ownership

Extreme Ownership
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink & Leif Babin
There are no negative repercussions to Extreme Ownership.” – Leif Babin, Extreme Ownership

Extreme Ownership is accepting responsibility for everything that could impact your team’s success and your success. It’s a heavy burden to bear, but it’s what all great leaders do.

In the follow video I’ll explain how accomplished Navy Seals, Leif Babin and Jocko Willink use Extreme Ownership to win on the battlefield and why you should adopt an Extreme Ownership mindset in your life:

 

1-Page PDF Summary of Navy Seal Leadership

Grow Your Grit

book

Grit by Angela Duckworth

The most dazzling human achievements are, in fact, the aggregate of countless individual elements, each of which is, in a sense, ordinary.” -Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Our society causes us to believe that talent leads to great performances. We tend to marvel at the natural talent of others and overlook the importance of effort. Surveys show that people commend effort, but don’t actually believe it can compete with natural talent.

Angela Duckworth challenges this belief by researching top performers and documenting her findings in the book ‘Grit.’ I’ve taken the time to summarize ‘Grit’ into the following core message (video + 1-page PDF):

1-Page PDF Summary of Grit

Eliminating Overwhelm: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself

When you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed by a mountain of ‘to-dos’, try asking yourself the following list of questions (core questions plus ‘–>’ follow-up questions):
Get out a piece of paper or open up a Word file and answer the following questions by writing down whatever comes to your mind (stream of consciousness exercise):

Replacement Plan:

“If I got sick who would end up doing my work?”
–> “Would all of it need to get done?”
–> “Would some of my work be completed 80% as well by someone else?” (virtual assistant, junior staff in the office, contractor, etc.)
If so, find/hire that person and give them the majority of your work so you can focus on high-value activities that other people find difficult to replicate.

 

Fear-setting:

“What’s the worst that would happen if I failed at this?”
Write out the scenario with as much detail as possible – who’s involved and what does it look like.
–> “How certain am I that it would be that bad? How can I be so sure?” (poke some holes in your logic)
–> “How likely is it that I would bounce back? Have I bounced back from a similar event in the past? Is this time really that different?”

 

Non-Doing:

Isolate each ‘to-do’ item and ask yourself: “What if I simply didn’t do it?”
–> “What effect would that have 10 Days From Now?”
–> “How about 10 Months From Now?”
–> “How about 10 Years From Now?”
Asking this question helps you realize that many things that you deem ‘critical’ have very little impact on your future. Asking this question helps you realize that very few things have a major impact on your life.

 

Memento Mori:

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news…but we’re all going to die someday :).
Death shouldn’t be something to scare you into doing something rash, but to help you remember what’s truly important.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” – Steve Jobs
 “Knowing that I’ll be dead soon, what’s truly important in my life?” (even if you die in 40 years, those years could go by quickly)

 

Just ONE Thing:

Make a list of everything you need to do at this moment.
Look at the list and ask yourself:
“What ONE thing makes everything else seemingly unimportant or irrelevant at THIS TIME?”
–> “What’s not absolutely essential at this time?”
  1. Cross out 50% of that list and re-write the remaining 50% to make a new list.
  2. Ask the question again and cross out another 50%.
  3. Continue this process until you have 1 or 2 items remaining.
Set a 25-minute timer and commit yourself to working on one thing without self-criticism, self-doubt or worry about the future. Commit to ignoring the voice in your head and just do the movement needed to do the work. If doubt or fear come up just tell yourself you can think about it later, but right now you need to focus on what you’re doing. You have permission to be worried, stressed and overwhelmed after the timer is up.
If you had more than 1 item on your list, alternate working each item until you determine which one is more important at this time.

 

Happy Anyways:

“It sounds crazy, but what if I didn’t need to achieve it all to be happy?”
–> “What if I could be just as happy without it?” (extra money, status, promotion, etc.)

 

Less is More:

“What if I could achieve more by doing less?”
This question can often turn the feeling of overwhelm into a feeling of curiosity.

 

**If you’d like a PDF checklist of these questions for your records click here: Overwhelm Elimination Checklist

Start, Grow & Sell a Company

Anything You Want

Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

Don’t be on your deathbed someday, having squandered your one chance at life, full of regret because you pursued little distractions instead of big dreams.” – Derek Sivers, Anything You Want

‘Anything You Want’ is a book about author Derek Sivers journey of accidentally starting a company and growing it into a $20 million business.

The book contains 40 lessons for aspiring entrepreneurs. I’ve condensed those 40 lessons into a three part story (5-minutes in total) to illustrate how you can start a company, grow a company and know when to leave your company:

 

1-Page PDF Summary of Insights from Anything You Want

5 Ways to Modify Your Goal

goal target2

Does your goal inspire immediate action?

If your answer is ‘No’ then your goal could use a makeover.
Try the S.C.O.R.E. goal-setting method to inspire massive action:

Establish a Higher Standard for Yourself

Develop a higher standard for yourself by establishing a feeling or image of someone you aspire to be. As Arnold Schwarzenegger says: “Dig deep down and ask yourself ‘who do you want to be?’ Not what, but who.” It need not be a specific person. Arnold’s standard was simply being: ‘The best bodybuilder of all time.’ He lived that standard every day until the reality matched his results.

Once you establish your standard, strip all the emotion out of it. Make it simply who you are, not who you hope to be. Become indifferent to any other way of being. This makes your brain want to quickly bridge the gap between your current reality and who you know yourself to be, thus making you more likely to take immediate action.

Challenge Yourself With Something BIGGER

In the book, ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’, author David Schwartz explains the advantage of thinking big:

Big thinkers are specialists in creating positive, forward-looking, optimistic pictures in their own minds and in the minds of others.” – David Schwartz

Without big goals you’ll avoid taking the first step towards achieving something great.

Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success.” – David Schwartz

Big goals are useful because they come equipped with a great fall back plan.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you‘ll land among the stars.” – Norman Vincent Peale

Modify your goal until it inspires action.

Remember: It’s not what a goal is, it’s what a goal does.

Envision the Obstacles You’ll Overcome

Envision the act of overcoming obstacles along the way. See the act of overcoming obstacles as enjoyable.

According to several studies in Dr. Gabriele Oettingen’s book ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking‘, visualizing yourself overcoming obstacles on route to your goal makes you more likely to achieve your goal than simply seeing yourself achieving your ultimate goal.

The best way to get people up and moving was to ask them to dream and then to confront them right away with the realities that stood in the way of their dreams.” – Gabriele Oettingen

Therefore, once you establish your higher standard (step 1) and aim for a BIG result (step 2), envision yourself overcoming obstacles you’re likely to face. Doing so will make you more resilient when setbacks occur and less afraid of falling short of your goal, thus making you more likely to take action.

What harsh realities are you likely to face? See those obstacles as a chance to show your skills. Get excited at the idea of eliminating the obstacles in your way.

BONUS: visualizing yourself overcoming obstacles from the ‘3rd person’ perspective will increase the likelihood of taking action by 20% according to a 2007 Ohio State University study.

Rehearse ‘When-Then’ Routines

Think: “When X occurs, I will do Y.”

Example: “When I wake up, I will put on my running shoes and gym clothes located next to my bed and go for a 10-minute run outside.”

When you rehearse a ‘when-then’ routine you are setting what psychologists call an ‘implementation intention’. Over 200 studies at Columbia’s Motivation Science Center show that we are 300% more likely to achieve our goals when we use this approach (source).

We are often slow to act because the instructions we give ourself are abstract (i.e. lose weight). ‘When-then’ routines clarify when you need to take action and what action you need to take (trigger + routine). This allows your brain to take action without hesitation.

By rehearsing ‘when-then’ routines you are effectively forming a habit. Over time, a well-formed habit seems effortless and automatic. The more we perform a habit the harder it becomes for us to not do it (consider the last time you went to bed without brushing your teeth).

Therefore, if you want to take consistent action towards your goal, rehearse ‘when-then’ routines.

Make Starting Stupid Easy

Scale back the requirement to get start to something that you consider stupid easy.

If your goal is to write more set the daily requirement for a successful writing session at 50 random words. Lowering the daily requirement makes you much more likely to start writing.

When the minimum requirement is too high (i.e. go to the gym and work out for 90 minutes every day when you haven’t worked out for 5 years), you’ll get overwhelmed and search for an easy, more pleasurable alternative (i.e. sit on the couch and eat an entire bag of Doritos).  By lower the requirements you make starting easy and allow yourself to experience a greater reward.

Examples:

Want to be a better golfer?  Make the daily minimum requirement simply to pick up a golf club and swing it once.  Any additional swings feel like a bonus.

Want to get stronger and fitter?  Make the daily minimum requirement simply to do 1 push-up. Any additional push-ups feel like a bonus.

Here’s a dirty little secret: you rarely just do the minimum. Eighty percent of anything is starting. Once started you find it easy to continue once you have momentum. By thinking of everything beyond the minimum requirement as a bonus you will feel a greater sense of accomplishment for any extra work you put in.

Most goals are a daydream, a reality you hope to achieve one day. But remember:

Hope is a start. But hope needs action to win victories” – David J. Schwartz

Use the S.C.O.R.E. framework to take more action and achieve your goals. Remember to set a higher Standard, Challenge yourself with something bigger, get excited about overcoming the Obstacles, Rehearse ‘when-then’ routines and make the starting requirements stupid Easy.

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A Rhythm for Learning

A Mind for Numbers by Barbara Oakley

A Mind For Numbers by Barbara Oakley

Your desire to figure things out right now is what prevents you from being able to figure things out…” – Barbara Oakley, Ph.D

Great artists, scientists, engineers, and chess masters tap into the natural rhythm of their brains to learn and master their craft. In ‘A Mind For Numbers‘, author Barbara Oakley describes how she leveraged her brains natural rhythm to learn Math and Science after years of frustration.

Watch the following video to understand how you can leverage your brain’s natural rhythm and learn any skill:


1-Page PDF Summary of Insights from ‘A Mind for Numbers’